Caveman Comedy Compendium

The Caveman has been up to his usual strangeness - a few of his latest for your amusement.

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The other night, the Fastball Family was enjoying the "Yuletide Channel" (pronounced "Yu-la-TUDE" by Fitzroy Junior). That's the channel with the fireplace and the cheesy seasonal music. The perennial classic "White Christmas" starts playing.

Caveman: "What's this song?"

Mrs. Fastball: "Why that's White Christmas of course. Sung by Bing Crosby!"

Caveman: "Oh. Is that Sidney's daddy?"

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I hear Caveman talking to Mrs. Fastball as she is doing the dishes: “Mommy, it’s Virginia, right?”


Mrs. Fastball: " What are you talking about now, Caveman?”

I leave the kitchen for a bit, and come back.

Mrs. Fastball is laughing when I return......"Ask your father what you just asked me” she says.

“Daddy, it’s Virginia right? Boys pee using their penis and girls use a Virginia. Is that right?”

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Snappy dresser that he is, Caveman presents himself before bed - with his pyjama top on backwards.

Mrs. Fastball tells him "Turn it around, bonehead!"

Caveman gives her a look, shrugs.....and does a 360 pirouette and says "Is that good?"

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Recently, the Caveman came into my place of work - where I always apply myself diligently and only do fastball related activities during scheduled breaks and lunch hour.  The young lad was coming in to meet my coworkers. They have heard most of the Caveman stories and were anxious to meet him in person.

I had told him about my one coworker named Geraldine. When I introduced him to her, his eyes registered confusion and he looked somewhat surprised. But he was very polite and chatted with her briefly.

On the way home, he said to me "Before I met her, I thought Geraldine was a boy, daddy."

Me: "No Caveman, of course not."

Caveman: "OK, I guess that's a girl's and a boy's name."

Me: "No Caveman, Geraldine is always a girl's name."

After a brief back and forth, I figured out why he thought she was a guy - with his typical way of hearing things much differently than the rest of the human race, he had thought all along that my coworker's name was "Gerald Dean".

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The Caveman is a hardworking novice hockey player. Sometimes he gets sore knees afterward. Mrs. Fastball will apply good old Rub A535 to help ease the pain in his aching joints. (Note: I wasn't aware that A535 was a Canadian thing until just now. US American readers, this stuff is a smelly linament, somewhat similar to Tiger Balm.)

Last night, after a hard fought 1-1 tie against Carleton Place in which he almost (but failed) to score his first career goal, he was sore so we put a good dose of A535 on his knees before bed.

A short time later, we heard some yelping and shouting. "Ahhhhhhh, help me! Help me!"

Turns out that after rubbing his knees, he...uh.....'adjusted' himself somewhat, getting the hot balm where you really don't want it. A harsh lesson to learn for the Caveman, but one he won't soon forget!

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all blog readers. Thanks for your comments and support throughout the year and your kind words about the blog, as well as all the contributions that get sent in. Keep 'em coming, and check back in the new year for more fastball news (and other Caveman stories).